Scalpers can burn in hell

I don’t need the OLED Nintendo Switch.

Do i want one? Secure. But do i need one? No. It’s basically the same system from 2017 with a much better screen that I’ll hardly ever use as I live alone, rarely travel and own a TV. So I made the mistake of pre-ordering and then, if that didn’t work, staying up until midnight to get one on the 8th.

I did not got one.

That is not the point here.

Related: Top Five Handheld Emulators That Will Never Bring Back Your ChildhoodNot getting a fun baby toy on the first day isn’t a big deal. On the plus side, I was able to play Metroid Dread the moment the eShop allowed me to. On the even better side, I didn’t have to spend hours migrating files from one switch to another in a Kafkaesque nightmare that inevitably ends with half of my cloud storage not moving.

We have all been disappointed. It’s part of life. But what is getting more and more – what is that called? – It’s damn frustrating to see these systems aren’t being sold to dummies like me who want a new big, shiny item. They sell to scalpers who then flip and fence these systems for twice the price.

And see, I know we all know scalpers. We talked about them. We’re mad at them, even if we think about using them so we can play great next-generation titles like – I don’t know – Returnal. I am also aware that when there is a shortage of microchips, it is also more difficult for supply to meet demand. Effie, we are all in pain.

But the scalping goes beyond Amazon’s listing of forty resellers offering the OLED switch at double the price. It’s also the Metroid Dead special edition. Amiibos. Any accessories related to a major release will be snapped up and put online at a price between “I really need to love games” and “Games are more important than buying food”. The fact that sites like Walmart and Amazon list the inflated resale price as if they were the MSRP is just more confusing and shitty.

Here, too, game console launches were always associated with availability problems. If people waited hours for a Nintendo 64, the chances were many of them would not leave smiling. Especially when they are could Get the Nintendo 64, but the only game left was Pilotwings.

But that’s nothing compared to the tremendous amount of skill and luck it takes just to buy a console or special edition or tangential clothing right now. Pre-orders should be first served first served. And pre-orders are sold out. But if the clock says 11:59 and the website says “Coming Soon” then it strikes 12:00 and the website says “Sold Out,” we’re doing it wrong folks. Even if all sales are or have been organic, this shit is daunting. We not only leave ourselves disappointed, but also lied to. A countdown clock that tells us when to pre-order doesn’t matter if the system is tampered with.

Not because it’s hard to get a popular item. But because it is easy for bots and bad actors to make it their literal business of buying and selling things in front of us. They take what’s already an expensive passion and only make it available to richer fans willing to rip themselves off to get the latest and greatest.

Even beyond the completely legal but still crappy behavior, scalpers make it more difficult to preserve the game history or even want to preserve the game history. For reasons of convenience, we already advise against buying physical games. Digital is easier and faster and better, right? Why get a physical copy when you’ll have to wait weeks for a private exchange of scalpers to decide that commoners should get their hands on an EMMI amiibo. Why get physical copies of games when it’s so cumbersome?

There is no joy in it. It’s just a scam. Console launches should feel like nervous holidays. Maybe you can get one if you show up early enough. Maybe you won’t. Now the “maybe” is removed from “you won’t”. In all likelihood, you just won’t. You won’t get a new console on a new console release day because rich people with the right technology can buy anything quickly and then give it to even richer people who don’t see much of a difference between $ 350 and $ 700.

eBay currently shows over 2,000 entries for “Switch OLED”. Some of them are, of course, accessories. But scrolling page-to-page-to-page with brand new switches that have sold for hundreds over price is heartbreaking and frustrating in equal measure. Neither of us “owe” a new console, but it would be nice if we had the chance to buy one in a real store rather than a douchebag taking pictures of a closed box in his large backyard.

Scarcity was and always will be. I’m sure the ancient Sumerians once brought out a brand new clay tablet that sold out within hours. But when fans don’t stand a chance, when fans expect to be fucked, the industry fails. We are all encouraged to open twenty tabs and reload each online shop until we may have a chance to add it to our shopping cart and then maybe even buy it. Unfortunately, the moment the site reaches your shopping cart, it tells you that a “backend error” has occurred and the system is sold out. Fun.

Scalpers did not cause this problem. Limited resources and economy did it. But they benefit from the problem. What they are entitled to! You have the right to make gambling available only to those who pay the highest dollar. I can’t stop them, and I don’t even know of any system that would do it effectively. But they should burn in hell. You should burn in hell because online shopping – the once bastion of convenience and luxury – is now a race to the end. They should burn in hell because they make buying a game console a nightly affair that requires checking credit card statements to make sure payments have been processed. You should burn in hell because I’m still tempted to pay $ 600 for a switch OLED like an asshole.

But I won’t.

Not out of solidarity with the average gamer who can’t afford scalper prices.

Not because it’s the right thing to do.

But because it’s stupid.

It’s stupid to let scalpers win. It’s stupid to want a new console so badly that you’re ready to endorse a cycle of shitty and shitty consumer experiences. It’s stupid to be part of the problem when there are so many other gaming problems.

Fuck scalpers.

… but if they lowered it to $ 450 we could talk.

Next: Games I Owe An Apology To

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